Kids & Divorce: From Their Own Mouth – Part 1
Our Happy Divorce Thursday, August 6, 2020
If you’re a parent, then you aren’t the only one going through a divorce, your kids are too. On this week’s livestream, Ben, Nikki, Susan Guthrie and Gabrielle Hartley welcomed special guest and OHD family member, Asher Heldfond, to discuss his experience during Ben and Nikki’s divorce and the impact it left on his life.
At the start of their divorce, Ben and Nikki made an agreement to always do what was best for Asher. Because of how young their son was, Ben and Nikki had to make sure his needs and wants were met. Asher got the chance to share his perspective through a chapter he wrote in Our Happy Divorce, offering a fresh look at what children could be feeling mentally and emotionally as they experience the process. While everyone goes through different situations, here are a few other things your kids may be dealing with during your divorce:
Living in two different houses can cause a disconnect. A common problem is that there are different rules in different houses. This could be something as small as where you put your shoes or how much time the kids are allowed on electronics. Being able to communicate with your co-parent to create a similar process in each home can make a world of difference.
The schedule needs to work for your kids too. When Ben and Nikki originally split their time with Asher, he would spend one week at Ben’s and one week at Nikki’s. But this didn’t work for Asher. He felt like he was away from the other parent for too long and emotionally taxing, especially as a four-year-old. Make sure you’re aware of your child’s behavior and ask them how you can make things easier.
People will ask your child questions about your divorce. In Asher’s experience, it typically came from the parents who hadn’t been divorced. It can be anything from what it’s like going back and forth, how their parents get along, and about the relationships each person has with one other. Let your kids know this can happen and it’s okay to answer or tell them they don’t have to.
It doesn’t totally suck. At least, it doesn’t have to. Asher made a point that even in something like divorce, good can come out of it. He gained two supportive and loving step-parents and a brother and sister he loves dearly. Divorce doesn’t have to be all bad, it all depends on how you handle it.
Don’t forget to follow us on all of our social channels: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn. If you’d like to join our private Facebook community, please visit the Our Happy Divorce Facebook Group.
Discover more about Susan Guthrie and The Divorce and Beyond Podcast on Facebook and Instagram, or at DivorceandBeyond.org. Listen to the Divorce and Beyond Podcast here: divorceandbeyond.podbean.com
To learn more about Gabrielle Hartley, check out her Facebook and Instagram or visit her website GabrielleHartley.com. To learn more about her book, visit GabrielleHartley.com/better-apart-the-book/.