10 Real-Life Divorce Lessons
Our Happy Divorce Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Creating a happy divorce didn’t happen overnight. It took several very intentional steps on Ben and Nikki’s parts to forgive each other and focus on their common goal: what’s best for their son, Asher. Here are a few of the good, bad and ugly real-life lessons the couple learned during their divorce:
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Using The New Year To View Life After Divorce Differently
Our Happy Divorce Saturday, January 11, 2020
New Year’s resolutions often center around building success, happiness and new habits. Use this hopeful time of year to change your attitude about life after divorce and set yourself – and your kids – up for success in the new year.
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National Divorce Day: Changing the Perspective
Our Happy Divorce Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Once the holidays wrap, the first days back at work can be busy – especially for family law attorneys. This date, typically around January 8, has the distinction of being known as National Divorce Day. This is the day that lawyers see the highest spike in divorce filings. Presumably, the holidays have passed, the reality is back, and couples who feel they’d be better off as co-parents than spouses have decided to take the next step.
New Year’s Resolutions After Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Friday, January 3, 2020
Just like the new year, divorce is the opportunity to take a fresh look at your life and your priorities. As you make your New Year’s resolutions this year, focus on all the new opportunities you have to be a better co-parent and have a happy divorce throughout the coming year.
11 Undeniable Reasons To Put Your Kids First In Your Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Thursday, December 26, 2019
Throughout their book, Our Happy Divorce, Nikki DeBartolo and Ben Heldfond share how created their own version of divorce and worked together for one important goal: putting their son, Asher, first. It wasn’t always easy, and still isn’t to this day, but there are many undeniable reasons to put kids first in a divorce.
A Marriage Story: A Review From the Real-Life Version
Our Happy Divorce Friday, December 20, 2019
Warning: This blog contains spoilers.
Earlier this month, Netflix knocked our socks off with the release of their new movie, A Marriage Story. Starring Scarlett Johannson and Adam Driver, this movie tells the story of a couple’s journey to a happy divorce. Although their path was different than ours and others, they eventually got to a place that will result in peace and happiness for everyone, but most importantly, their son, Henry. We would like to commend everyone involved in the making of this movie for their honest and raw portrayal of divorce.
The story unfolds with Charlie (played by Driver) and Nicole (played by Johannson) reading a letter written for their divorce mediator listing all of the things they love about each other… The list consists of appreciation towards each other’s parenting styles, their senses of humor, and what brings them joy in life. However, Nicole doesn’t feel comfortable reading the letter aloud to the mediator and her ex-husband. From our perspective, the entire plot of this movie hinges on this decision. If Nicole had just set aside her ego and read the letter aloud, this might have been a movie about a happy divorce right from the start.
Collaborative From the Start
When we think about our own divorce, we were not so lucky to approach it collaboratively at first. In A Marriage Story, Charlie and Nicole set out with a positive approach that was quickly derailed by egos, hurt feelings, and outside influences. Our story began with adversity and ended with us eventually getting to the point where we could tell each other what we loved about another, forgive each other for our individual parts in the ending of our marriage, and focus on what was best for our son.
Be On The Look Out For Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing
There is also a similar moment to our experience when Nicole meets with a divorce attorney that claims to have her best interests in mind. We quickly see that her attorney was focused only on “winning” the case. Charlie finds a similarly aggressive attorney determined to win at all costs. During Nicole and Charlie’s divorce proceedings, so much mud is slung, money is spent that neither party can afford, and all for the sake of beating the other in the battle. It begs the question, could all of this have been stopped if Nicole would have just been able to open up and appreciate Charlie for who he was and forgive both herself and him for what they’d done?
The Child’s the Only One Who Matters
What Nicole and Charlie begin to notice is that the real victim of their separation is their son, Henry. We see many hurt feelings, confusion, and instances where Henry is thrown in the middle of their war. This is the very experience that we were trying to prevent in our divorce and the reason that we chose to come together in a collaborative way. We didn’t want Asher to feel like he had to choose where home was. Home was with both of us, together, and we did whatever we could to make him see that.
There Really Are Happy Endings
The part that we appreciate most about this story is that it doesn’t have a sad ending. At the very end of the movie, Henry finds those very letters that his parents wrote to each other at the beginning of their separation. Charlie and Nicole find Henry reading the letters, and this story turns full circle back to the fact that Charlie and Nicole did love each other at one point, and there were qualities that they still admired about each other. There could be a happy divorce at the end of all of this.
The story ends with Charlie and Nicole embracing Henry and traveling down a road to the start of the new version of their family. One that is not filled with hate, but filled with a promising future for everyone involved. Our big takeaway is the fact that when the kid wasn’t put first in their divorce, they were bound to fail.
Set Your Ego Aside
From our experience, when you put your ego aside and open yourself up to finding a positive approach to your divorce, your family can come together again. The important step is to set out to do what’s best for your child. Children neither choose for their parents to get married, or for their parents to separate, and it’s the parent’s responsibility to protect them and their future. Marriage may not last forever, but parenthood always does.
12 Must-Follow Facebook Pages For a Happy Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Wednesday, December 18, 2019
When you’re working on having a happy divorce, finding support from a variety of sources can be really helpful. Reading about other people’s stories can help you feel less alone. You may also find some really helpful co-parenting tips and advice for communicating with your ex. Try following some of these Facebook pages for a happy divorce right in your daily newsfeed.
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Meet Our Favorite Podcasts That Keep It Real About Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Thursday, December 5, 2019
If you look around, you’ll likely realize there are a lot of people in your circles who are divorced or going through a divorce. Building a support system is extremely helpful when you’re dealing with the end of your marriage. Sometimes, though, it’s helpful to hear some advice from outsiders who have been right where you are and keep it real. That’s what makes these our favorite podcasts about finding your happy divorce!
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7 Ways to Put Kids First In Your Divorce
Our Happy Divorce Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Putting your kids first throughout your divorce helps minimize the effects of divorce on their lives. By framing each decision you and your ex make through the lens of “What’s best for the kids?” you can help your kids feel secure and loved even though their family dynamic is shifting.
Miserable To Happy: Changing the Divorce Mindset
Our Happy Divorce Thursday, November 28, 2019
Divorce is a major change. Even with the most amicable divorces, the child’s world is turned upside-down when they have to move from house to house and realize that their parents will no longer be in the same home together. With Asher, he knew at just four years old that Ben was no longer living at the house. Kids are perceptive, and they often realize much more than we try to let on.
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